Saturday, October 8, 2011

Green tea, dirty magazines and a Wiggle

It has been 3 and ½ weeks stay in the ‘helltell’ and finally the time has arrived to move into our rented apartment.  I love hotels.  I love that someone else comes to make my bed. I love that I get a fresh towel every day and I love the lemongrass scent of the free shampoo and conditioner, (it is free isn’t it)?
Our ‘helltell’ is  … “designed to ensure your stay is comfortable in an atmosphere that makes you feel at home by providing a level of professional and genuine service to their guest”…
1.       A homely atmosphere refers to the pornographic magazines that were provided, (I think by accident)?
2.       Genuine service refers to the full boxes of green tea left on my kitchen bench every day, (I think room service was concerned with the empty bottles of wine awaiting rubbish collection every day in the first week, I am sure my ‘Spanish Lynda’ thinks she is providing a leading role in some sort of unspoken AA program)?
3.       By professional service, they must be referring to their skill of mind reading.  My husband and I were discussing guilt for not taking son to Wiggles production down the road; within an hour of our conversation, we receive a personal meet and greet with a blue Wiggle.  Now that is service.

Perhaps I should explain a few of the above points?
1.       I am not an overly religious person myself, but I am sentimental in the fact that nowadays, in a world  of robot discs that clean floors and cars that reverse parallel park themselves, that you can still find a bible in the top draw next to your bed.  To be honest I am surprised that it is still on offer in paperback, not offered via the cable television station or electronic notebook.  You know what else my ‘helltell’ offers in paperback? Porn.  Yup. Dirty magazines.  Three in fact.  I found them at the top of my cupboard when I decided to store the bible up there to make room for my underwear in the draw.  So for the last three weeks, the bible has been sleeping on top of the pornography.  Is that wrong?  I have been so busy with the move I have not even had any time to read the articles.

2.       My husband and I decided, (or shall I say I made an executive decision), to do a 15 day detox during our time in the ‘helltell’.  Our stay in Milan had us relishing in a diet of white bread and wine, so to kick start our life in Perth I thought a detox was called for.  No alcohol, caffeine, or delicious food, if our love can withstand this then we can conquer the world, (insert evil laugh here) “bwa ha ha ha ha”.  Long story short, (it is not really how I do things but I will give it a go).  At the moment green tea is our saviour.  Staying in a hotel long term has us all accustomed to the luxury of room service.   All you do is put a sign on your door every morning and you get your bed made, fresh towels, the fluff cleared out of the clothes dryer and a box of green tea.  I have enough green tea to fund a coffee shop in China.

3.       We have had such a busy weekend ahead with signing the lease, removalist trucks, packing, unpacking, haircuts, trying to wash and dry linen that has been in storage and all battling with ill health.  In the midst of it all, there is a Wiggles concert happening a block away from the helltell.  I had decided against going since we had so much to do, and besides, it would have been cheaper to take a helicopter ride down the Swan River.  No wonder the Wiggles are still performing, they must be making an absolute mint! Over dinner on the night before we moved, my husband and I discussed feeling guilty that the weekend was going to be revolving around moving, and no doubt quite disruptive for the kids.  Maybe we should take them to the Wiggles show? Crossing the road back to the hellltell, my son declares “Wiggle”.  Good spotting son!  I became immediately star struck.  “Excuse me, Mr Wiggle!”  I called. (Yeh, pretty sure that is not his name.) Now that I have his attention, where do I go from here?  Should I ask him why he is not wearing his blue skivvy? We managed a photo and a nice little chat, he even asked us about where we were from and our travels. You will be happy to know that Wiggles are people too.  Mr Anthony Wiggle even has a tattoo and a gold tooth!  He has 3 children, none of which request Wiggles songs to be sung, he doesn’t like the red eye flight out of Perth, and he enjoys relaxing walks along the beach at sunset.  (It is amazing what you can find out in a short ride in a lift.)  Oh, and not totally stalking, but he is staying two floors above us in the hotel.  My son was in awe, so I think we just managed one better than taking him to the show.

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